I am the lone person sitting in the courtyard at university right now. Maybe because its windy and about to storm. But this weather is the best and I am the goddamn storm, y’all. I am content, writing my thoughts and rereading my favorite book. Sitting criss cross and drinking my chai tea. Life is funky, its hard as shit, my life is full of shaky hands and nauseous stomach aches but I am happy with it. Because this is the life I was given so I might as well love it. Self hatred and yoga isn’t going to change my brain waves, so I might as well say “fuck your yoga” and enjoy my surplus of connectors and brain waves spinning and twisting in my head. I am autistic, a little bit awful at social interaction most of the time, my mom calls me “just very quirky”, and I say I’m a big mess but I’m embracing that shit. I forgot to wear socks today but I read a 200 page book in a hour. So, it’s a swinging equilibrium and I am grateful for it. I am in a lovely courtyard on campus, tapping my fingers and rocking like a girl whos proud of her differences. Also, I cant really control it but that’s beside the point. This is the last day of my first semester of college. And I did it! I did it with an 100% in every class, teachers who are genuinely proud and impressed by my classwork, a few new friends, and a newfound contentment for myself. I am struggling living independently but that doesn’t matter right now. Because I did it when I really truly didn’t think I could. I am the first person in my family that made it through a semester of college and I did it with a whole lot of challenges weighing on my back. But, I did it. So cue the celebratory applause.
(I have a better, more in depth post about college coming soon but for now, I will enjoy today and embrace every moment of it.)